The Toronto Trip

As I write I am on a flight back to Hong Kong from Toronto, after what seems like a "Hit and Run" trip. (H & R means the whole thing was a blur and hardly long enough!) Definitely a transformational trip, though… there was discussion amongst the family members as to what defined a good holiday. One person explained that food was the mark of a good holiday. For me, it is not wanting the holiday to end and feeling it linger in my mind’s eye for days, weeks, even months. That’s what July 8 to 17 was like for me… despite being hit and run, those nine days came packed with a punch that still has me spinning. Read on to find out why and come back in a few days to learn more.

After landing in Toronto, the kids were remarkably good about adjusting to the jet lag. We had a few incidents of wee hour wake-ups but were able to get everyone back to sleep until 5 AM the first night, 6 AM the second night, and then 7:30 AM the third night. After that point everyone pretty much slept right through. We did have some strange moments two nights in a row, though. The first night Sebastian’s Leapfrog Leapster kept turning itself on. Eventually it ended up in the hallway table outside Sebastian’s room… not sure how that happened but presumably Seb out it there after being annoyed by the educational toy repeatedly turning itself on. The second night Tess and I awoke to the sound of triplets rousing themselves in their cribs down the hall. "This is it," I thought, "they’ll be up forever."

I walked into their room to discover the light on… a feat impossible for either of them to have done due to them being securely imprisoned in their cribs. I looked at Sela and asked. "What’s going on? Who turned the light on?" Sebbie, she replied. I turned off the light and settled them back to sleep. It was about 3 AM.

Walking back to bed I checked in on Sebastian, who was sprawled perpendicular across his bed. It’s possible he had been sleep walking… or was the light and the Leapster part of the unexplained as Alan Spragett would have described. Hmmmm…

As far as jet lag was concrned, middle of the day was a different story. 24 hours after landing we forced the triplets out of their afternon nap. Even I felt ugly and crappy – the trips whined and cried full blast for about an hour post-nap. Determined to get them adjusted to the Toronto time zone, we bribed them awake with apple juice and sweeties, and took them down to the Royal Canadian Yacht Club for a walk and play. This included a boat ride that they loved. By the time we finished a McD’s dinner afterwards all were ready for a big sleep.

Saturday, July 8 my family kindly hosted a BBQ for Toronto friends and family. About 50 people floated through my dad’s backyard during the course of the afternoon and early evening. It was a very special afternoon with family we hadn’t seen for years and friends I hadn’t seen for even longer. There were a few appearances from people previously written about on this blog, too…

"Got Joy" James, the wingman who I wrote about in "No Joy." James and his wife Lorraine brought "bubbles" for the triplets that were incredibly popular and helped fight off jet lag for several hours, too. See Sela at left trying her hand at the bubbles! At one point during the afternoon the kids were so whingey from jet lag that we had to take them inside to watch The Wiggles. (And of course, The Wiggles make the adults whingey… can’t win!)

Friends from Trent University including Dan (at right in picture) who was instrumental in summoning the 1982 calling I wrote about in The Dedication. Years had passed since I last saw these friends… and probably nineteen years since I last saw Dan!

Friends Julie, Ellen and Donna who I hadn’t seen in over ten years. I know them through Alison who passed away this past March. Everyone looked terrific, as if they hadn’t aged at all and were still capable of having more fun than humanly possible!

Last but not least was Lauren from “Lalaland,” a blog friend Tess and I have known for a few years but have never met in person. Lauren, her baby and a friend drove six hours from Ottawa to attend the BBQ. A huge effort and we are so pleased to have met her… full of life and passion – truly wonderful person. Tertia… we hope you are insanely jealous that we’ve now met Lalaland but YOU haven’t… nah nah nah nah nah!

There were also lots of friends from the BC Yachts days – a marine maintenance company I ran in Toronto from 1979 to 1992. During the afternoon we joked about the BBQ being a BC Yachts reunion! It was a fun time that passed all too quickly.

Sunday morning my sister Carolyn arranged for a professional photographer to take pictures of the family (the six of us at left, taken on our Nikon by the photographer – official photos have not yet arrived) after which we all headed up north to cottage country. Tess drove with my dad, Sela and Carys. I drove with Lita, De and Jasper. Sebastian drove with his cousin Galen and family. Penny and family drove the fourth car.

A few hours later we landed halfway between Minden and Dorset where we took a boat to Comak: an island where a family friend has several cottages nestled into gorgeous Ontario Cottage Country. Words couldn’t possibly describe this wonderful and picturesque place, but perhaps the pictures in the attached album might help.

Fun in the sun included:

Scrumptuous dinners cooked on the BBQ

Lots of swimming off the dock. Sebastian was in heaven and of course, completely fearless. We even managed to get all the trips in the water, too. Carys was shyest, though, preferring to sit on the rocks or dock to watch the activities. At one point Carys decided she was ready to jump in the water. I didn’t bother changing her – she went in clothes and all.

Catching a few fish that Lita and De steamed up Hong Kong style with onions, ginger and peppers. The small ones were spared. Somehow the kids managed to catch a snapping turtle, too, also released a few hours later back into the water.

I was generally bagged by the end of each day but on the Thursday night managed to stay awake long enough for some camp songs and a cigar! We had Dave’s guitar, Dad’s banjo, me picking on the tub vile and lots of wonderful voices. We didn’t sing for too long and for that Ii am sure the neighbours were grateful.

Of course, no holiday would be complete without yours truly building a boat! In 1978 I built "Galileo" from scratch, modeled after the Canadian Cup racer "Manitou" and first launched on the Marblehill pond. For 28 years the model boat sat in my parent’s basement. Last week I chose to put the model through a "functional re-fit." In other words, back into sailing condition but not necessarily meticulously beautiful. Here you can see Manitou sailing in 1978 and Manitou from last week. Since the name never really sat that well with me, we re-Christened the model after the design namesake "Manitou." Dad supplied the champagne.

For more pictures please click here to be taken to the photo album.

The Dedication

Today Tess & I had Sebastian, Jasper, Sela & Carys Dedicated at Union Church. In preparation for this event many people asked, “What’s a Dedication?” Here’s one answer: Baptism, in the purest sense of the definition, should be an individual’s choice. But not everyone agrees with this definition. For several hundred years, various mainstream variations of The Church have been conflicted over Baptism. Therefore, a "Dedication" is giving thanks to God for the children, the parents promising to raise the children according to Christian principles and beliefs, and asking God to cover the children in His grace, love and protection until such time that the children are able to chose Christianity on their own and then at that time be Baptized.

Here’s another answer:

Dedication: Christian warranty obtained in lieu of Baptism for infants and young children. Good for approximately fifteen years. Regular servicing recommended otherwise warranty may be void by God.

We held the Dedication at the 11 AM service, and it truly was a very, very special time. Here are some of the highlights:

We invited many friends from Hong Kong. As a result, fifty-six people attended from outside the Union Church family. The sanctuary was packed and ushers were laying down extra chairs.

Yours truly started with a twelve minute Testimony (Testimony can be found below). Pastor David Marriott introduced me in the context of the triplets being born premature, and how the Union Church family prayed for the triplets.

I gave the Testimony at the 9:30 service, too. At 9:25 roughly thirty guests arrived from all over the world. Apparently a former Union Church pastor was leading a Christian tour group into China, and had Union Church as one of the stops on the itinerary.

Despite being an accomplished public speaker who has spoken to a total of 30,000 people in my career, I have never been as nervous as I was prior to the first Testimony. I was absolutely twisted inside out and had to go to Pastor May Tsui for prayer to calm myself down minutes prior to walking up the aisle. Many thanks also to Dale for praying with me before each service.

At the 11 AM service I was not nervous. I was in awe. The sanctuary was completely full and busting at the seams. I sat at the back of the sanctuary with Jesus in my mind’s eye. Instead I had a strange feeling akin to, “This is it, the aisle is like a runway and I am about to take-off in a jet.”

“Yes, it is,” God replied, “Or to change your life metaphor from military analogies to other more peaceful analogies, you’re about to set sail on a brand new course. Walking down the aisle will be a fresh breeze in your sails, my friend. But either analogy will do. The important thing is – you’re walking down that aisle.”

“I’m going public now,” I thought.

“Yes, you are… and it is good,” God replied.

As you will read below, I spoke about Sebastian towards the end of the Testimony. When Sebastian heard me talking about him, he turned to Tess and said, “Mummy, yes, I do that!” Tess asked if Sebastian wanted to be with me at the front of the Church. He replied with a yes and ran up the aisle for the last minute of my talk.

Upon my finishing the Testimony, Pastor Marriott invited the family to the front of the Church. The triplets ran towards me and the congregation broke into applause.

During the Dedication the kids stared back at the congregation, recognizing many faces. Throughout the ceremony, Jasper, Sela and Carys called out various kids’ and people’s names… “Margot… Mila… Lita… Annie… Max…!” It was very sweet.

We arranged for Starbucks coffee and tons of munchies for the social hour afterwards. The service ended at 12:05 and we finally left the Church around 1:15.

Tess & I had a wonderful time and reportedly everyone else did, too… I have invited them to leave comments below so hopefully you can read for yourselves!  To those that attended, thank you for making this a very special day. Thank you also to those who were unable to be there but were praying in their absence.

~

The Testimony

Testimony given by Charles Caldwell at Union Church on Sunday, June 11, 2006 in honour of the Dedication of children Sebastian, Jasper, Sela & Carys.

Good morning. I’d like to start what I have to say today with a piece of scripture and a prayer for you. The scripture is from 2 Corinthians 5:17 and reads as follows: “If any man is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.” And now, a prayer for you…

“Heavenly Father, I hold up the congregation today, covering them in prayer. Some visit here every week, some occasionally, and some are here for the dedication of our children. Lord, Tess & I thank you and them for their friendship and support. I pray that their minds, ears and hearts will listen anew to the messages in today’s service… that your Holy Spirit will gently come upon each person, that none will be afraid of your light touch – whether affirming or wooing. I ask that after leaving here today, old things will have passed away, and new things will come to be for each individual. I ask this in Your Name. Amen.”

If I were to describe my walk with Christ, I would use the analogy of breakfast. Imagine in your mind’s eye the aroma of brewed coffee, squeezed orange juice and a Hong Kong favourite, Eggs Benedict, made with fresh farm eggs and Canadian back bacon. Pretend for a moment that the breakfast represents a relationship with Christ and let’s look at the parties involved with such a breakfast… the hen and the pig. The hen, contributing the eggs, is what we call “involved.” But the pig… the pig is committed. The point is, for most of my life, I’ve only been contributing eggs to Christ’s breakfast.

Meanwhile, I have a lifelong secret that I’ve kept closely guarded from the world. For most of my life, I’ve sensed a strong calling from God. The earliest, most distinct recollection of that calling came while at university in 1982. During a confusing and troubling period at school, I was hit with a powerful, supernatural experience that could only have been God. (And by the way, it wasn’t Pub Night!) In the days and months that followed that moment, I rationalized and reduced the event into an inconsequential incident. God’s supernatural touch went silent in my life.

I have often heard that “Jesus comes to us in ways we can receive and experience him.” What does that mean? It means that God woos us in ways that we can hear, see and anticipate Him. But we also need to remove our filters and be willing to look. Stop for a moment and ask yourself, “Is God wooing me?” Is He wooing you through gorgeous sunsets, small miracles such as surprise parking spaces, the unexpected kindness of a best friend when you need it the most… or maybe even in the most unusual of places… the music of a rock star like Bono – a publicly declared Christian and the lead singer for U2.

Looking back, I have so many examples of God’s extraordinary, twenty year courtship it would take hours to describe. But I fought and ignored Him in every possible way. I used to arrogantly say, “Someday, Lord, I might answer your call but right now, the jury’s out.” Then in June 2002 while Tess & Sebastian were in Canada, I came to Union Church on my own volition, as opposed to coming because I wanted to be the good husband who accompanied Tess.  Standing in the back of this very church, while singing “Breathe on Me Breath of God,” the Holy Spirit came upon Charles to lightly test the waters. This time instead of fighting or resisting His presence, I chose to let Him in and bask in His grace.

A month late, my mother suddenly became very ill. As the illness progressed I prayed, “If it is not your will, Lord, to take my mother then I ask that you heal her immediately and quickly. If it is your will to take my mother, I accept that, but I ask that you take her quickly so that she suffers little.” Jesus wooed me by answering my prayer and my mother passed away within days. There was probably little suffering. Obviously my personal preference was for my Mother to live, but I should add that my loving memories of being with my family in the week after my Mother’s passing are very, very special indeed. Despite such a clear and distinct communication from God, I continued to be a hen. I was still only involved.

Jesus not only puts miracles and grace in front of us, He also puts hurdles and lessons in our paths. We can either gracefully jump over the hurdles or be thrown over. Visualize that for a moment… getting thrown over a hurdle hurts. The point is that somewhere along the way, God said, “I think I need to give Charles a hurdle.”

That hurdle arrived on February 23, 2004, when our triplets were born 14 weeks premature. I don’t know how much you know about premature babies, but 26 weeks is just past what doctors call the “Border of Viability.” Each baby had a 60% chance of survival. Statistically one of them would die. Anecdotally, all of them could live. Born by emergency c-section, I was not allowed to be with Tess along with the other sixteen doctors and nurses in the OR.

Instead I stood in the hallway of QMH as I watched a team of four people hurriedly rush each baby to the NICU. The scene was dreamlike… with each baby weighing in around 1 KG or less, the doctors used their thumbs to perform CPR on the babies tiny little bodies while other nurses manually resuscitated with The Bag. For the next hour and forty five minutes I knew nothing. My mind went to work on all the terrible fantasies possible of whether they were alive or dead.

Tess’ mother, Maureen, shared in my terror, calling my mobile from Canada every ten minutes. Finally Maureen asked in frustration, “Charles is there anything new you can tell me?”

“No,” I replied in exasperation, “I don’t even know if they are alive.”

The next few minutes, after that phone call, were probably the lowest of my life. My being felt sucked dry and listless. I felt completely and totally alone. If one or more of the babies died I had no idea how Tess & I would cope. I was distraught. Eventually, best friends Dale & Steph arrived. I buried my head in Dale’s shoulder and wept.

In situations like this people often ask, “Where’s God? Lord, how could You let this happen? I am angry at you.” I never asked this question for two reasons. First, it’s no secret that the triplets are IVF babies. We went into that IVF cycle praying for one baby, but if it was God’s will, we’d take three. People often joke, “Be careful what you pray for!” So true in our case and I could therefore never turn against God’s will, knowing we’d told Him we’d take three. (Plus, a side note, it’s biblically not prudent to knowingly turn against God’s will!)

The second reason, though, was probably the more important one for me. Instead of asking “Lord, how could You let this happen?” I asked, “Lord, what are you trying to teach me?” There was no immediate answer. But in the next few days as Tess and I created a web site for people to follow the triplets’ progress, the most remarkable miracles came to be. Out of what seemed like a tragedy and potential disaster, people all around the world were brought closer to Christ.

For example, in Bangalore, India a Hindi colleague of mine wrote me an e-mail describing how he visited the Infant Jesus Shrine to light a prayer candle for each one of the triplets, Tess, Sebastian and myself. While not a follower of Christ he prayed as if he were. I was so touched I wrote about him on our web site. Remarkably, another Bangalore colleague of mine – and a member of the oldest Christian Church in India – read the web site, was even more beset by the Hindi’s prayers and wrote me the following. “Every day I pass by this Infant Jesus Church on my way back and forth from home to office and haven’t stopped for once for the sake of the babies and this friend of yours, being a Hindi, has visited and prayed for your sake. I’ll pray God to forgive my sins today at that Church and light a Candle not just for the babies but for myself, too.” 

Hardly three days old and the triplets were already an extraordinary witness to Christ.

Hebrews 12:1 reads, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”

The intermingling of these gestures deeply swayed me. It became apparent to me… the emotional and psychological stress overflowing onto me, the threat of the triplets dying, was the disciplining hand of Christ that quickly turned to grace. When I asked “Lord, what are you trying to teach me?” He spiritually answered inside my heart, “You’re barely involved with Me, Charles, and certainly not committed. How do you plan to leap over this hurdle?”  In scripture God answered with 1 Corinthians, Chapter 4:2 which reads, “Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful.” I remember being alone at home that first night the triplets were born and begging Jesus, “Please don’t let these babies die.” While I didn’t know it at the time, God’s answer came in 2 Corinthians 12:9, “My grace is sufficient for you. For my power is made perfect in weakness.”

The three month and ten day NICU experience was beyond surreal… full of stress, terror and the unknown, God’s grace and sense of humour assured us that The Terrific Trio would survive. For example, one day Jasper, only six weeks old and still less than gestational age, jettisoned his soother out of his incubator like a baseball pro. The Lord said, “this is just the beginning… wait until he has the car keys.”

Around the same time Sela, had a rather explosive incident in the middle of a nappy change, decorating an extensive portion of her incubator’s interior. The nurses had to change her incubator. In the middle of the giggles I could not help but sense God saying, “My grace is sufficient for you.”

Then there was Carys… the tiniest and youngest of the three but don’t be fooled. Carys is full of will. At three weeks old Carys was infected with an illness called aspergillosis. This disease comes with a shocking mortality rate of 60 to 90% in premature infants. It’s usually diagnosed post mortem. Carys went on a short and lethal drug cocktail. If aspergillosis didn’t kill her, the drugs might. Carys was so close to death, the doctors walked through the process of “pulling the plug” if that final moment came upon us. In those few days I cannot tell you how many people around the world prayed for Carys… hundreds… maybe thousands. During the NICU ordeal the web site had over 100,000 hits.

A few days later I walked into the NICU for my daily visit when a doctor reported, “Carys is improving.” The doctor and I discussed at length what medical treatment or medical circumstance brought about Carys sudden turn. As a doctor’s son my natural curiousity needed to be satisfied and I was sure my Dad would want to know, too. No sufficient answer could be provided. Finally the doctor looked at me and said, “To be honest, I’m not really able to clinically explain why Carys is getting better.” Once again I heard God say, “My power is made perfect in weakness.”

So far I have spoken about three children… there is a fourth, Sebastian… Saint Sebastian is the Patron Saint of Soldiers and since Seb is huge Buzz Lightyear fan we are reminded of that fact every single day! I recently wrote on my blog, “Who do our children see when they look at us? Do they see a cynical, busy person rushing around answering e-mails on the Blackberry? OR, do they see a calm, patient teacher… leader… or even Jesus? Similarly, who do we see when we look at our children? Do we see a naughty, cranky kid… OR do we see God’s grace… innocence, love… or even Jesus?”

When I look at Sebastian I see a Child in the Light. During the NICU ordeal Sebastian waited with patient exhilaration. When the first baby came home Sebastian was so excited he could barely contain himself. When the second baby came home he was very, very happy. When the third baby came home he fell to the floor crying. “What? Another one?” To be honest, though, he missed his nap that day.

In reality Sebastian welcomed the Terrific Trio into his life with open arms. For example, while the babies napped, Sebastian, only 2.5 years old, would place small toys at the triplets feet for them to play with when they woke-up. Yes, there are many moments when Sebastian teaches me how to have a heart lead by God.

Today marks two years and a few days since the Terrific Trio came home from the hospital and since Sebastian’s divine juxtapositioning of toys. As a family we’ve covered much ground in that time. Looking back I can see how God held our hands as we leapt over the prematurity hurdle. Praise be to God, there are no known major health or developmental issues at present or on the horizon for Sebastian or the Terrific Trio. Today’s Dedication is symbolic of Tess & me thanking God for our four children and our desire that they lead a life graced by Jesus Christ’s love, peace and joy.

Normally, parents would have their children Dedicated at a much younger age. But quite frankly, the events of the last several years have been a little tiring. While we’re only getting to this now, we know Jesus forgives us.

As for me and my walk with God, Jesus continues to woo me as old things have passed away. I’m no longer fighting God. I have surrendered to His will and from here on in have chosen to be an obedient servant. I’m not perfect by any means but I can convey that if you were to venture near Christ’s table for Eggs Benedict… you won’t find me clucking nearby; no you’ll find me fully committed. God is now wooing me with new paths that I suspect will require considerable preparation. As the new things come, I hold out my hand to grasp His and say, “Okay, let’s go, Lord… how high this time?”

Thank you.

Alright you lurkers… if this blog entry touched you, please let me know in the comments and then pass it on!  Thanks!
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