Author: charlesinhk

What’s your leadership story?

I have to constantly check-in with how I'm doing as a dad. As the kids get older, I worry my dad skills are declining. In fact I know they so. But, I'm determined that this is not going to be my story. I've had a leadership story for a long time but this week I had the chance to re-write my story while co-conducting a corporate leadership workshop. I chose to include family and community in my story. Essentially I am what one might call a natural leader – pushing others into the foreground while I remain in the background. Unfortunately this isn't always great for ones career but nonetheless it's my style. If enough people ask me, I might share the full statement!

As part of living out my story, Sebastian and I had the chance to spend a morning together last Saturday. The triplets and Tess were on a junk trip but Sebastian had a doctors appointment first thing in the AM. After the appointment we went to IFC to do some shopping: we bought Seb and the triplets Octopus cards (Sebastian was thrilled). We bought me Men's Clinique Scruffing Lotion 1.5. (My face was thrilled.) The purchase entitled me to free parking. (Darn, should have told Tess 'cause normally getting things free or cheap is a real aphrodisiac for Terrific Tess and she would have been, errr, thrilled.) Then we went to see "Despicable Me."

While waiting for the movie to commence we went to Starbucks. I had my usual Venti Vanilla Latte. Sebastian had a small not-so-hot, hot chocolate with whip cream on top. Seb wanted a spoon so I suggested he ask one of the baristas.

The first time he approached the cashier it was busy and with all the tall adults around Seb got lost in the crowd. He came back discouraged with no spoon. "I can't do it," he said.

I encouraged Seb to try again and be a little louder. This time there were less people. The second time, just as he was approaching the cashier, mustering all the volume he could, the cashier turned away to help the other baristas. He didn't see nor hear Seb. Sebastian returned very discouraged with no spoon. By now Seb's confidence was eroding and his voice a mere mumble.

"Try again," I encouraged, "how about this lady at this end who is clearing dishes? Just give her a big loud 'excuse me!'"

With trepidation Sebastian approached the lady. She swung and said, "Yes, how may I help you?" A few seconds later Sebastian returned with spoon in hand and feeling much more confident about himself.

What's your leadership story?

Seb sipping his “not too hot” hot chocolate

Sebastian made wise choices

During our trip to Hua Hin, Sebastian had two moments where he made exceptionally wise choices. The first happened when we went Go Karting. Seb drove a small go-kart at Fintry in 2008 and 2009. Even though the Hua Hin track had faster cars, we were told by the track owner that he could put a governor on the accelerator. That didn't work too well – Sebastian took a single seater racing go-kart around the track at a speed that had all parents jumping out of their skin with a fright, and had him completing the first lap a good 10 – 15 seconds ahead of the second car. (There are no pictures of the first lap – he was going too fast.) Then Sebastian pulled into the pit.  Above: A shot of the track; Tess and Jasper on their way out for a spin.

I ran over to see how Sebastian was doing. As I leaned down into the face of his helmet I heard him say, "It's TOO FAST." Sebastian decided he shouldn't drive the single seater. This was when we discovered that the double seaters were the same chassis as the single seaters, but in addition to the double seat, also had a fiberglass body to them. The owner said, "If your boy can't drive the single seater he won't be able to drive the doubles."
(Above: Carys and I try to overtake Jasper and Tess. I was trying to show I wasn't driving. Carys thought I was waving at the camera and waved, too. Who is steering? Next, Sela and Ursula driving together.)

We allowed Sebastian to drive a double-seater (it had double steering wheels) with Seb controlling the pedals. I provided back-up steering (required 50% of the time) and instruction on when to accelerate, brake and so on. This appeased Seb a little, but overall was kind of a drag. Sebastian was in a funk for the next several hours saying, "Stopping that car was the worst decision of my life." No, actually it was a VERY GOOD decision, all the adults agreed, and I am sure it was God's Grace that had Sebastian survive that first lap.

(Above: honest Sebastian, no hands, I am not steering!)

Our last day in Hua Hin, the triplets went pony riding with the girls from the other family we vacationed with, while the other dad, teenager, Seb and I went to shoot real guns. We went to a local range operated by either the police or military. (Most likely the police.) Ahead of time I briefed Sebastian on the usual listening and obedience reminders along with (1) that we would each only shoot a few bullets from each gun; (2) he would most likely only shoot a rifle, not a hand gun because it would probably be too powerful for him to hold and (3) he would have an adult with him at all times, possibly even helping him hold the gun.
(Above: Sebastian tries on a real bullet proof vest, on sale at the shooting range.)

The first gun we shot was a .22 caliber M16-style Heckler and Koch. The light gun was substantial enough to absorb most of the recoil energy. Very simple gun to shoot with little kick back. I stood behind Sebastian while he "dry-fired" it then live fired a few rounds. He was quite thrilled but serious.
(Above: yours truly shoots the H&K, M16-style rifle.)

The second gun we shot was a 9mm Glock. This handgun provided quite a bit of kick. I fired a few rounds then asked Seb if he wanted to give it a try. He said no. By this time another man was practising with a .38 caliber revolver and 9 mm Beretta. Without earmuffs the sound was frightening and hard on the ears.

The third gun we shot was a 9 mm caliber, automatic Heckler and Koch UMP. Despite being the same caliber as the Gloch, this gun had power behind it probably from the focused energy of the bullet when exiting the barrel. Sebastian dry fired the H&K while I made sure the rifle butt stayed affixed to his shoulder. Seb then live fired two rounds in the semi-automatic mode, that kicked against his shoulder despite me providing some assistance holding the end of the gun on his shoulder. That was enough and Sebastian declined any further shooting. The other father and son opted for another round on the M16 while Seb and I had a soft drink inside.
(Above: Sebastian dry-fires [unloaded] the H&K with and without support.)

I asked Sebastian why he didn't want to shoot the handgun. Essentially it came down to Seb being uncertain if he could properly control the gun. Another wise choice.

Overall the experience gave Sebastian a sense that guns are extraordinarily dangerous. Sebastian was able to see other people taking extreme care while handling and shooting their guns. He also appreciates that movies are incredibly unrealistic: lots of goodies and baddies shoot guns without earmuffs. Sebastian now understands that's just not reality without hurting ones ears. Finally, Sebastian tried on a real bullet proof vest: heavy, thick and restricts movement… but only US$ 180 in Thailand! We had a fun morning and Sebastian made his second wise choice of the trip. (Above: Sebastian listens to instructions while he prepares to live-fire the H&K. The second picture he is firing but unfortunately it is blurry.)

Hua Hin view from our balcony

Below is the view from our balcony in Hua Hin. To get here one flies into Bangkok, then takes a 2.5 hour drive to Hua Hin. We are with another family and the kids have been remarkably good. We were promised and confirmed for connecting rooms but that wasn’t delivered our first night here.

At the next morning breakfast buffet the spigot fell out of the giant milk urn as Tess was getting milk for the kids’ cereal. What ensued was an outpouring of milk, showering itself all over Tess and anything in sight. I stuck my finger in the hole to stop the flood. Major mess – even the cats and kittens hanging around the resort would take a while to clean this up! Twenty minutes later when Sebastian toasted a donut, much to the horror of onlookers but hey it’s not like they tried to stop him, the staff were still mopping up the milk.

The dairy deluge, the original promise of connecting rooms plus ants all over our friends’ toothbrushes when they woke-up, were used as leverage for room upgrades. We now have a very conveniently located room “family suite.” Basically it’s two connecting rooms with one entrance. The second kids room has a pirate theme and easily sleeps three. Kids are thrilled. Below they watch a movie before breakfast in “the pirate ship!”

Tess says, “we’re doing something cool. wed and thurs we are going to see the bridge on the river kwai. It is an overnight excursion and we sleep on what I imagine is a little boat ‘a floatel’ not overburdened with mod cons and space…, we raft and ride elephants, and visit WW2 graves. A great chance to combine history and fun!! We are seriously excited.”

During the upgrade discussions the hotel duty manager buckled pretty quickly. He said the recent turmoil in Bangkok has caused a 75% year-on-year drop in business for the hotel. For example, when a bomb went off in Bangkok two to three weeks ago, twelve international agencies called up and cancelled ALL of their tours to Thailand. Reason being: general paranoia and most tours involve Bangkok plus 2 – 3 other cities.

The Kids’ Pirate Themed Room

Is Jessica The Hamster Pregnant?

Friends of ours left their hamster, Jessica, in our care for the summer. The kids had a delightful time caring for Jessica (although I think in reality, Tess did the heavy lifting such as cleaning the cage) and watching Jessica barrel around in her Little Pink Ball. The ball reminded me of Woody Allen's giant moon-ball in "Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex." Or was that Sleeper? Or maybe both, knowing Woody Allen's mind? Knowing that our friends had a prankster side to them, I said to Tess, "Wouldn't it be hilarious if Jessica suddenly had babies a week after being returned? Maybe we should get Jessica a boyfriend?"

Tess was horrified. "Do you have any idea the pranks that would set in motion?" Tess asked. "Chad would march right over here and dump eight pubescent young hamsters on our doorstep, with all the females impregnated. Never mind the fact that golden hamsters have to be separated after mating, otherwise the female may kill the male. The kids would wake-up one morning to find Jessica had pulled a Nancy Kissel."

"That's okay," I replied, "It would be a classic. And no one would ever ask us to look after their pet, again, either! No more, 'can we get a hamster? can we get a hamster? can we get a hamster? can we get a hamster? can we get a hamster? " from the kids! (Not that we mind, of course, Jessica has been a complete pleasure to have in our home.)

Tess disagreed. For Tess, this was right up there with throwing water balloons at the Van Dale boys on the playground from our fourth floor flat: the start of a much desired (by the boys of course) World War 3 water fight.

Tess described how she thought a water balloon drama would unfold: "Next thing you know they'll be spraying down our front door with a fire hose and their parents won't stop them, either! It will be the boys yelling, 'Are ya wet yet, Charles?' While Jennifer and Bryan, with a tone of you started it will correct the boys, 'That's Mr. Caldwell, Jack!' " 

Okay, the water balloons I held back a bit but you're never too young to pull off a clever prank like getting the hamster knocked up. So, while we are away in Thailand, does Gary have special match-making instructions to find Jessica a boyfriend? Is Jessica The Hamster Pregnant?

Sebastian’s Buzz Lightyear

We've seen Toy Story 3, which is an entire story/blog onto its own. Since seeing the move twice, the second time on Imax, the kids have been enraptured by playing "Toy Story 3" and especially Sebastian. Even though he has Buzz Lightyear figurines, he loves to transform other figures into Buzz. Below GI Joe transforms into Buzz, including the white markings on his sleeve that represent Buzz's recording/communication devices and laser. Very detailed!

The Last of the First Teeth

Both Carys and Jasper got wobbly teeth at the same time. For months each of them has been exclaiming, "Look, I have a wobbly tooth!" only to find the pearly whites firmly embedded upon inspection. Finally last weekend each of them had a lower tooth loosen. Last night, when Tess and I came home from dinner with some of Tess' friends visiting from Canada, we discovered both teeth had come out. Not that we're competitive at all, but I think after Carys pulled out her tooth in the afternoon, competitive and indignant Jasper yanked his tooth out in the evening!

The Tooth Fairy pays HK$20 per tooth in our home.

A birthday in Hong Kong

I have now lived in Hong Kong for fourteen years. The other day I figured out that six of those years I have been traveling and/or alone for my birthday since Tess would typically be back in Canada during the summer. I have still celebrated my birthday before or after the actual day, such as the amazing pirate party Tess and my family threw for me last summer. Or, in 2002 when Tess gave me a trip to Antigua Race Week as a 40th birthday present. But actually being around family on my birthday and in Hong Kong, too, kinda foreign to me. Therefore, I was at a loss to find myself in Hong Kong, on  my birthday, with my family here. Tess asked me what I wanted to do – I didn't really know. Tess asked me what I wanted for my birthday – I had no idea. I have everything I need. Seriously, I have too much stuff and should be throwing things out.

So, yesterday I woke-up and after promptly making a cup of coffee for myself, Tess and the kids booted me out of the kitchen. I sat at the computer reading CNN while lots of whispers and scurrying could be heard around the corner: footsteps stealthily dashing between the kitchen and dining room. I am pleased to report the kids were incredibly quiet and well behaved. Shortly I was invited into the dining room where the family greeted me with breakfast: fresh orange juice, cinnamon rolls, and a variety of homemade cards from Tess and the kids. Amongst the little pieces of paper included a coupon for Tess to have a pair of my shoes re-soled, Bolaven Coffee,  and a coupon to buy an Ipad. Wow, lucky me – an Ipad for my birthday and a 4G iPhone for Father’s Day. Neither of these devices have been purchased, though, and I am considering cashing them in for something else: a piano.

The idea of introducing the kids to formal musical training has been on my heart for several months. I think the upcoming school year could be labeled, “The Year of Musical Gifts.” Tess and I would offer the kids one of two instruments to learn, piano or guitar, to gain a foundation in one instrument. These days, technology provides very affordable but beautiful sounding electronic keyboards. Even with headsets. What's in it for me? The opportunity to play the piano again, something I haven’t done much of the last fifteen to twenty years. What do you think ~ good idea?

Back to my special day: atypical day at work. Tess and the kids joined me at the end of the day. We went out for dinner to a new place – Ruby Tuesday’s – an “ok” family restaurant but hugely overpriced. It was a bit late when we got home so off to bed everyone went, but today the kids surprised me with a terrific birthday cake. Thank you Terrific Tess and kids for a wonderful day. Thank you to everyone else who sent me birthday wishes by phone, e-mail or Facebook… and of course huge thank you to my dad who sent a traditional card in the mail!