Friends of ours left their hamster, Jessica, in our care for the summer. The kids had a delightful time caring for Jessica (although I think in reality, Tess did the heavy lifting such as cleaning the cage) and watching Jessica barrel around in her Little Pink Ball. The ball reminded me of Woody Allen's giant moon-ball in "Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex." Or was that Sleeper? Or maybe both, knowing Woody Allen's mind? Knowing that our friends had a prankster side to them, I said to Tess, "Wouldn't it be hilarious if Jessica suddenly had babies a week after being returned? Maybe we should get Jessica a boyfriend?"

Tess was horrified. "Do you have any idea the pranks that would set in motion?" Tess asked. "Chad would march right over here and dump eight pubescent young hamsters on our doorstep, with all the females impregnated. Never mind the fact that golden hamsters have to be separated after mating, otherwise the female may kill the male. The kids would wake-up one morning to find Jessica had pulled a Nancy Kissel."

"That's okay," I replied, "It would be a classic. And no one would ever ask us to look after their pet, again, either! No more, 'can we get a hamster? can we get a hamster? can we get a hamster? can we get a hamster? can we get a hamster? " from the kids! (Not that we mind, of course, Jessica has been a complete pleasure to have in our home.)

Tess disagreed. For Tess, this was right up there with throwing water balloons at the Van Dale boys on the playground from our fourth floor flat: the start of a much desired (by the boys of course) World War 3 water fight.

Tess described how she thought a water balloon drama would unfold: "Next thing you know they'll be spraying down our front door with a fire hose and their parents won't stop them, either! It will be the boys yelling, 'Are ya wet yet, Charles?' While Jennifer and Bryan, with a tone of you started it will correct the boys, 'That's Mr. Caldwell, Jack!' " 

Okay, the water balloons I held back a bit but you're never too young to pull off a clever prank like getting the hamster knocked up. So, while we are away in Thailand, does Gary have special match-making instructions to find Jessica a boyfriend? Is Jessica The Hamster Pregnant?