Yes, Mila left…
As Tess wrote, Mila left in August while everyone was away, except yours truly. The last night Mila was in the flat, I did not expect the reaction that my being launched into my conscious mind. Woof, what an emotional ride.
I wrote in the days leading up to that moment how I’d been ripping CDs onto our computer as part of a minimalist project Tess and I currently champion in our home. The flat was not exactly clutterless with CDs sprawled all over the place. In addition, the GPA (Government Property Agency) who manages our building, chose the 2nd last day (Thursday) prior to Mila and my last day in Hong Kong (Friday) to replace the kitchen cupboards and countertops in our apartment. (The equivalent of a small reno that they miraculously finished in ten hours!) For us (or more specifically Mila while I dashed round ripping CDs!) this involved emptying the entire kitchen on Wednesday and putting the kitchen back together on Thursday night once the new cupboards and countertops were in place. No small task but remarkably, Mila showed her true colours on those last few days.
I arrived home fairly late on that Thursday night. I was greeted by a small team Mila coordinated, of other lonely amahs whose families had left for the summer, all of whom helped Mila put the kitchen back together. A lot of familiar faces appeared before me… faces that used to subtley appear when the triplets were at their most fragile, and the rest of us exhausted, to help care for these new babies. It never ceases to amaze me how committed the Filipino Community is to our family. So that was the first trigger – familiar faces from days long gone by.
I asked the group if they’d had dinner. Negative (by then it was about 9 pm) so I ordered a ton of pizza, then sat down at the computer to write Mila’s reference letter. And that’s when the bus hit me.
Swelling up from inside came the memories of the previous 2.5 years as I looked back at all the things we’d accomplished during Mila’s watch. Mila’s big dream was to care for all the babies all by herself. On a few occasions we actually gave her the chance to do exactly that, too. Always over protective, Mila was remarkably committed to our family. A devout Christian, we’d often return home late at night to find Mila reading her Bible in the playroom while the kids slept across the hall. No doubt her prayers contributed to the triplets’ constant, positive progress. (Left: Mila & Carys at Sebastian’s 3rd birthday party, November 2004.)
As I sat at the computer writing her reference letter it occured to me that Mila’s departure was not only symbolic of her moving on, it was symbolic of our family growing up. Her I was trying to de-clutter our flat – selling stuff online, getting rid of old CDs… I couldn’t even begin to describe the buffet of images and emotions – probably long suppressed – flashing across the movie screen of my mind, but I assure you, I wasn’t expecting any of them. That night was very, very hard and healing, too, as I let go of yet another piece of "No Joy" to let the sun shine in. (Left: Mila & Sela after an evening bottle, July 2004.)
The next day my very good friend and colleague, Paul, drove me to the Airport Express downtown check-in as I embarked on my way to Canada. This is the same person who came to visit me 2.5 years earlier the first week the triplets were in the hospital after being born. Tess was still in the hospital, too. That night, long ago now, I painted a grim Mr. Reality picture of where the trips stood medically.
Paul looked at me and said, "Charles, today, you are the father of four kids. I understand about tomorrow, but today is today and don’t forget that today, you are the father of four kids."
"Yes, but…" I replied.
Paul cut me off with, "I understand about tomorrow, but today is today and don’t forget that today, you are the father of four great kids."
That was 2004, and 2.5 years later as we drove to the Airport Express I described the emotions I felt on the eve of Mila’s departure. I said to him, "it was more than just a helper leaving, it was like knowing that the triplets are going to be okay."
Paul cut me off, "Charles, the triplets ARE okay."
"Yes, but…" I replied.
Paul cut me off again (like he always does! ha!), "CHARLES, the triplets ARE okay."
"Yuh, y’know I’m just gonna hop out of the car right here because I really sense a degree of abuse in the car," I exclaimed cheekily.
"You do that," Paul chided back, "and have fun on your holiday with your wife and four kids who are doing JUST FINE."
Earlier that morning when Mila left she’d been up the entire night packing after finally finishing the kitchen and other chores by about 11 pm. (I had to practically tie her up to force her to eat the pizza!) None of these extra chores were really necessary – most amahs probably would have called it a night – but Mila finished everything to the end.
Before driving her to the Airport Express I gave Mila a card and a handful of pictures inside the silk photo sachet presented to me by the Beijing Grand Hyatt a week earlier. The card read, "Mila – May the Lord watch over you and care for you always. Thank you for touching our lives, for being so tender, loving and dedicated to our family. We love you and will remember you always. In Christ, Charles."
(Left: Mila & Carys at gymnastics, May 2006.) We awkwardly stood opposite each other in our living room, when Mila tried to say in her somewhat broken English, "Sir, what I am feeling inside my heart right now I cannot describe." For perhaps different reasons I knew exactly what she meant and assured Mila that she would be okay. A few hours later Mila sent me the sweetest text message from the airport just prior to her flight leaving. Sitting at her gate she thanked me for the pictures and card and described how she could not stop from crying. I was in the office at the time, about to leave for the Airport Express myself. I hit the reply button and SMS’d back to her, "My pleasure, Mila, God be with you."
